3am blogging

what's a better place to stir up thoughts than on the porcelain throne. it may be 3 but duty calls...duty

had a thought today (yesterday)...i feel that i've been taking this situation that has happened very well. i'm not sunk in depression. not suicidal. more so homicidal but that's everyday regardless. i am more...free? not to say i felt imprisoned by any means previously. it's just a different take on the same surroundings. only thing is still eating alot and spending way more money than i would like. working on myself though, mentally and physically.

now mentally, i don't know what improvements are noticeable or what changes are apparent unless someone is there to point it out to me. quite frankly though, i'm at a point where mot many are close enough to say or dare to...not in a threatening way but, they prolly know i don't care. as long as i'm not an asshole, then that's all that should matters. if i am, then i'd definitely would prefer an acknowledgement. on the physical side, i'm getting less tired going up 6 flight of steps. i've been under a certain weight which i'm extremely proud of. progress is slow...but the fruits of my labor will be that much more sweeter. the hardest part of all this is the constant will power and discipline. without it, you're just pulling on a thread that'll undo a seam seamlessly. some days i treat myself. some days more than others. but there are some days where i stick to my plan. the concept of balance is difficult when the perception is distorted. like, how much did i eat? was it enough or was it too much? how much do i need to work out to burn that off? what happens if i don't since the weather is shitty?

unfortunately sometimes the latter is what i used. God knows i try. the process of working out usually start off very hesitantly but once you break through it, it's like climbing uphill to get over that hump to the decline is so satisfying. i shan't be complacent though. i see what other's progress looks like and i am shooting for a higher goal. can't stop now my momma is too proud. just kidding. it's a song. she really don't care. in fact i think she may be tryna sabotage my regiment by making greasy, salty food. her and my uncle. i'm onto you two...

mood music: Hip-Hop

this would've been on heavy rotation if it wasn't for bitch ass DJ Khaled. fuckin ruined it for Scarface and Nas...smh

and if i cry two tears for her
that will be the most that i would give to her
she left me stranded in my nightmares
taking pictures of my memories she right there
twisting on the blade in my heart deep
always on my mind so i can't sleep
she used to tell me she was all mine
now the only way i see the broad is online
i'm doing drugs trying to feel you
i'm killing me trying to kill you
i built my whole life around ya
i thought i found it all when i found her
shopping sprees on whatever coast
how'd you really feel, i may never know
and as I ride through these streets
with my hand on my heat, eyes red from the sweets
i, realize some things never change
once in love and it's gone you don't look at it the same, nigga
fuck love cause she don't live here
i'm soaked in blood but i'm still here

courtesy of YouTube

ps
apologies for the bitch ass Funk Flex gay ass bombs

this hare ain't losing

in my Jordan 7 Year Of The Rabbit. ironically i wear 11.5 but the 7's i can fit 11 (spittin fire!!). weird. luckily that's the case because an 11 was the only pair available thanks to my boy and his connection

this is gon be the death of me

i went to this bar with my buddy a while back to meet up with his buddies. real friendly guys. 1 of them opened Pandora's box when he bought me a shot of this bad boy. introducing Crown Royal Apple. the shot is so smooth it's not even funny. It's comparable to my favorite drink, Jack Daniel's Honey. can't wait to crack it open.

dangerous.

like i need another reason to love this show

from X-Men the animated series in the 90's. my favorite cartoon. Apocalypse knows wassup. Rogue...she doooo!

lol via CavemanCircus

best. soup. EVER!

i've tried plenty of places and plenty of soups. but hands down the best soup/chowder is the chicken corn chowder from Wawa

it is exceptional. all the time. the broth or chowder, whatever you wanna categorize it as, is rich and sweet. the corn, potatoes, carrots and chicken are all tender and flavorful. i'd lick the bottom if i could. one day i'ma order a family size for myself. watch

half a raging Bull

Jordan 5...half of the Raging Bull pack. what a beauty

everybody out there is all getting fit

and i'm just sitting here finishing up a slice of pizza after my hot dog

so it was pretty hot today

how hot you asked? just sitting in my truck and liquids were trying to escape my body profusely

same goes for my other arm, legs, back, all over.

quite hot indeed

pic a plate: Ms. Nancy's Place, Merchantville, NJ

back story: a buddy of mine liked this place on Facebook. i rightfully thought he went there, ate the food, and liked it. he didn't. he just liked it cuz he saw what they had on the menu and liked it. like motherfucker, that's irresponsible. he tried to compare it to me liking these females like public figures but i don't know them. uh, last time i checked i didn't have to taste test these women first to like them...not that i'd mind. a restaurant is different. you can't just like a place for it's decor or ambiance. restaurant main purpose is food. and Ms. Nancy has some really good food.

pic a plate: Pollo Campero, Elizabeth, NJ

now i usually do restaurant reviews but this place is too good to pass up. i am actually hesitant on posting this because i want it all for me! mine! mine! mine! mine! mine! introducing a Guatemalan fried and grilled chicken fast food restaurant: Pollo Campero

first time winner!

so Nike set up a new raffle system because their old one sucks balls. so this time, you follow them on Twitter, click the link when they drop it, sign into your Nike account, pick your size and enter the drawing. within 24 hour they will email you if they're able to reserve a pair for you. first time i did it and I WON! of course, the closest was Niketown in New York, and i HATE New York. but whatever. i got out of class, picked up my boy and zoomed up the Turnpike and 80-90mph and made it there 45mins before the deadline. double parked with my boy inside just in case and walked right into the register, picked it up and left under 5 minutes.

i like the new system. i HATE driving to/in NY. fuckin $20 for fucking toll. piece of shit city. and all for what? these bad boys

2015 Jordan 7 Bordeaux. *sniff* so fresh...

good job, Nike on a better, fair system. didn't win this time for the Pinnacle and Shattered Backboard but at least i already got 1. h00t! h00t!

all for the M

as i stated earlier about my experience at the DMV. i tried to go what i thought was early at 11. had a decent time waiting, nothing unusual. i was given number 80 to be called on so i thought they were like on 70 something

only Cavs for these calves

waited 2 hours at the DMV in these Jordan 4 Cavs

worth the waiting

mood music: Winter Schemes

one of their various collaborative work, J.Cole & Wale came correct on this track. even though i feel Wale be talking way too much. i usually skipped the track after Cole's part. still a good song

it's a shame, niggas lame, this is fame for ya

i gotta be the only one that didn't change for ya

i saw you sortin through trash and brought change for ya

open up their lane, do i gotta say names for ya?

and i ain't even flexin

courtesy of YouTube

it's the little things

majority of the time, we don't appreciate what we have, but always wanting more or something else . most of the time, we don't appreciate what have until it's gone. some of the times, we don't appreciate what we have, unless we see others not have what we already neglected. because rarity of the time do we appreciate the small things in life that enables us to enjoy what we have

this guy, Ethan, is colorblind. he can see some colors but his visions has different hues than ours. the people that developed this glasses are truly remarkable. i know there are bigger issues but just watching his genuine reaction to enjoy even the smallest colorful flower to different color Sharpies is truly refreshing.

now i'm just as guilty as everyone else. but i'm thankful for these moments that i can take a few steps back and reevaluate myself and my priorities. thanks, Ethan.

courtesy of YouTube and CavemanCircus

Wildwood BBQ Festival, Wildwood, NJ

last time i went was 3 years ago, by accident. wasn't prepared, just happened to saw it. planned on going the next year but completely forgot. the following year also slipped my mind. what's fucked up was my boy was like, "you went to the Wildwood bbq fest yet?" i'm like, "i wanna go. when is it?" motherfucker said last week. like bitch, why you asking now?!

this year i was hella determined. even gave everyone a month's notice in advance. the fest usually last 3 days. Friday thru Sunday. i couldn't go Friday because i am normal and work. but i wanted to go with my buddies. of course, everyone's schedule is all fucked up. some can go Saturday, some Sunday. luckily, being fat minded that i am, i split my time up and went twice.

tender is the night

so i was reading some quotes awhile back and came across this amazing one that stuck with me

it's so...accurate. so tender. we all have our moments where we're at our best. where everything is going right. your hair falls into place. your outfit is on point. your breath smells good. everything you're saying is charming and funny. the woman you're with (or you can role reverse, same diff) is in awe at your demeanor. you just got everything going for you... but that's not always going to be the case all the time. there will be rough patches ahead, guaranteed. i will become someone you won't be able to stand in certain moments, and vice versa. we will have our battles. as long as it can be overcome, we will come out stronger, together.

so the quote is to let you know, forget me not this moment. how you're feeling about me. how awestruck you are right now. i still am that man inside, regardless of the heat of the moment that we're in. we, i, can't be at my best 24/7. but my worst is still better than other's best.

it was only right that i searched out the book that the quote is from. Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

it looks pretty long. 300+ pages i believe. i can't wait...

grinds my gears: Instagram

getting back into this. what Grinds My Gears today is Instagram

mood music: Mad World

today's Mood Music is Mad World covered by Gary Jules. it's originally by Tears For Fears

all around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere

enjoy.

courtesy of YouTube

brain farting

i had so much to blog about today. i was all excited to get off work, finish my workout, and come home and lay it down. only thing i'm laying is blanks. shootin blanks. pew-pew

oh, apparently Jared from Subway had his house raided by the FBI for child pornography.

yes, this guy. the guy that tells you to eat a 6 inch Subway everyday is looking at 6 year olds everyday. supposedly there were a bunch of pervs caught during the raid.

nice

Baby tryna kill his son?

that is according to Yahoo! News. Birdman and Young Thug have been indicted for conspiracy to kill Lil' Wayne. apparently they must've hired some goons to shoot up his tour bus recently. Weezy and Baby were feuding anyway over Baby's shitty mismanagement of Weezy's money to the point that Weezy sued him for $51 million. i don't know what Yoing Thug's beef is and i don't care. he's faggoty anyway

let us not forget

LIBERATION!

now i know how West Berlin felt after The Great War of '86.

i'm just playing. i have no idea about anything of that nature. but i do feel liberated. almost in the sense of freedom...wait, is that not what liberating means? i guess. what am i, Webster? oh well. right now i am feeling like i have broken free from the spell. not by choice though lol but by all means, what can you do? i do however got really tired of trying and it shouldn't be that hard, you know? it should've been easy. i mean, that's how i struck oil last time was just to let if flow. now i am not saying that it should be handed to me. it's just the chase is no longer fun. with no accomplishment. especially when the other person or the object you are chasing is running way, way, way, way faster than you or at least running farther to different direction. you think you're chasing them but you're really chasing a mirage.

i do however want to stay in contact with my Godsis, which i've made it clear that i'm not going to harass her. she said she's very busy and good for her and hopefully our time will meet soon. other than that. no more Wonderwall crap. no more Wonderwall posts. no more Wonderwall sappy music shit. no more Wonderwall. time to refocus my priorities and just let it come naturally.
.
.
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i wonder if that Korean girl in Edison was available...

time to shatter some backboard

just like Michael Jordan did when he played in a Nike's exhibition game in Italy in 1985

the Jordan 1 Shattered Backboard is a true beauty. not only is it a refreshing color, but it's using this tumbled leather, similar to the 3's. the smell is oh so fresh. i think these are up there with the Royals and Bred

sweet dreams are not made of these

need to write this down before i forget. it was last night and still somewhat fresh from my dream. for whatever reason, me, my Godsis, and my Wonderwall were in Columbus, Ohio? doing God knows what but there were other folks there as well. they're irrelevant at this point. so I guess we had a house or rented one near a lake? sorta look cabin-ish. so I went down to the dock to retrieve couple bags of groceries, saw my Wonderwall either standing down there or approaching down there. what threw me off was the fact that she was pregnant. i was so highly disappointed. almost heartbroken.

next scene: the kitchen. unloading the groceries and one of the supporting dream character suggested to make pho for me because we had ribeye. not sure why that's relevant but after that i headed to the couch. now either she was already sitting there or going to the couch as well but i remembered when she was sitting there, i offered to have her lay down and put her legs on my lap. she...refused? i think? got up and walked away. lol. even in my dreams I'm being rejected.

and that's pretty much it. my crush, pregnant. i'm crushed. definitely not knocked up by me because i remembered being devastated and shocked. but once again, some weird ass fictional world i put myself in doing who knows what but things never turned out how i dreamed. ironically even in my dreams

mood music: Pop Thieves

gonna post the music of whichever mood i'm currently in. today's Mood Music is Pop Thieves by Childish Gambino. disregard Gayden Smith on the outro

loving you is all i know, baby
you make me feel so higher
i just wanna feel your love, baby
you know i'm down to ride

enjoy.

courtesy of YouTube

i can't tell if this is a good or bad thing

it seems that last year draft pick of the Philadelphia Sixers Joel Embiid will miss another season. he's scheduled to have a second foot surgery after his setback

luckily for Philly they picked up Jahlil Okafor to fill that role alongside Nerlens Noel. now, is that bad thing for Philly not to have their their preferred starting lineup, or will it be a blessing because they might stink again and end up getting another top 3 picks? either way, they still have it pretty good 

Vietnamese 101: banh xeo

today, kids, we're going to be learning about banh xeo! can you say, "banh xeo"?! of course you can't, you uncultured swines!

pic a plate: Sampan, Philadelphia, PA

lets toast with some Sampan!

lol was that stupid? i guess. then i again i guess it would make more sense if the reference was understood. caught up with an ex-friend, hopefully now we can maintain a normal friendship if she doesn't fuck up again, last night a this place call Sampan in literally, the Gayborhood of Philadelphia on 13th st.

is this what Buddhist means by reincarnation?

now the whole belief in Buddhism is that if you die, you'd be born again into another living thing whether it be another person or animal. but what if i did died, emotionally, and now i am reincarnated into myself again? does that still count?

my July top 5 of top 5

gonna randomly do a list of lists monthly, calling it...um, Top 5 of 5. just so i can look back and see what weird shit i was into at the current moment

DeAndre Jordan is a little bitch

a team consists of DeAndre Jordan, Chris Paul, and Blake Griffin isn't intimidating. the best player on the Los Angeles Clippers is their bench player, Jamal Crawford! only thing they did to help themselves were to get rid of dirty ass Matt Barnes, and picked up old ass Paul Pierce.

LAC is just going to underachieve, or overachieve according to me, by not even making it to the Western Finals, let alone the NBA Finals. DJ will be offensively retarded when it comes down the stretch yet requesting to get more offensive touches. motherfucker, isn't all those Hack-A-Jordan enough touches for you? fuckin 30% free throw shooter when you shoot the ball into a netted basket for a living. now got the nerve to back out of a verbal agreement with the Dallas Mavericks after to stay with LA. fuckin beady eye, illiterate, half chromosome, Groot lookin ass. and i don't even like Dallas like that. just a fan of Dirk Nowitzki and people who keep their words. they lost Tyson Chandler to the Phoenix Suns. apparently they're paying him $13 million a year for for year to be overrated. i call that the Carmelo Anthony Contract. so in desperation for a big man, they traded their future 2nd round draft pick to the Milwaukee Bucks for big man Zaza Pachulia, who is ok at best.

when you have a 7 footer with the IQ of a 5 year old playing with a point guard in a 5 year old body and a dead eye, muscle corpse forward who looked like a he got seasoned with old bay and paprika, you're still going against Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and the Oklahoma City Thunder, James Harden, Dwight Howard, and the Houston Rockets, Anthony Davis and the, well...just Anthony Davis, the uprising Los Angeles Lakers with the return of Kobe Bryant, addition Brandon Bass, Lou Williams, and Roy Hibbert, the upset, scorned Mavericks with Dirk and Chandler Parsons, and the $100 million man Marc Gasol, Zach Randolph, Mike Conley, and the Memphis Grizzlies. oh lets not forget the past 2 NBA Champions in the San Antonio Spurs with the return of Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli to join Tony Parker, Danny Green, Kawhi Leonard, newly addition David West and LaMarcus Aldridge, and the Golden Gate Warriors with Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Andre Iguodala, both whom gave LeBron James fits. so...yea, good luck Clippers. you're gonna need alot of it.

the original Bulls

the one that started it all

Jordan 1 OG Chicago Bulls. the one Michael Jordan got fined $5,000 for repeatedly by the NBA and Nike made sure to cover the tab. smart move. brilliant partnership.

i'm-mortality

there's definitely something mortal when it comes to feeling unwanted. not necessarily do i feel rejected but boy does it comes close. i've said it before. i'm not afraid of rejection. the honesty is liberating. it comes after the chase, which is exhilarating. the nauseating anticipation. and alas, the final destination. no man's land

i tried to not think about it. hopeless romantic or just plain hopeless at this point. not to be confused with desperation, which there isn't. the thought of putting your frailty out there to be tested and returned in one piece, even more hardened, gives me a sense of accomplishment. overcoming an illusion of hardship and pain. knowing you're still alive. still in one piece. that allows you to pick your sword and shield up and go into battle again for the woman you love. or in this case, desired. infatuated.

i learned a new word today (actually yesterday but was too lazy to post): limerence. It defines as being infatuated, or obsessed, not sure which i am, with someone to have a desire of reciprocated feelings not necessarily sexual. that sorta sums it up. i'm not looking for some quick fun. substance is crucial. personality is equally important as looks. face it, no-one turns head from being a good person. it's the quality after the looks that keeps the other at bay.

regardless, i'm just gonna chill. sweating while getting paid. waitin for my Wonderwall

so today was interesting

let's get this out of the way. i am not bitch made. i could care less who i'm friends with online. it's who i got in my inner circle in real life that concerns me. so when today i noticed that someone dear to me unfriended me on Facebook. ..i found that odd. like, what happened? did i do something? if i did, why wasn't i told? so instead of sitting there pondering, i straight up asked them. long story short, it doesn't really matter the online status/relationship as long as we go on to maintain our actual friendship. that's all that matters to me. i still love her though. hope she realize that

another interesting tidbit was i spoke to my Wonderwall (i think that's what i shall refer her as from now on) today. i requested to my Godsis to get my message to her that i would like to, i NEED to, talk to her. then behold, i get a phone call, more than what i expected since i thought most was a text, from a private number. i'm glad i picked up. although i do admit that i understand it's a strange thing for someone out the blue to try to talk to you that knows you but you don't remember them; i understood if she was being cautious. i am 70% sure she either a) used a voice disguising app or b) had someone speak on her behalf with her being there. i remembered her voice being more sultry, even though it was a bit deeper. stronger. more vibrant. this person had a higher pitch, a bit almost like an accent. i know she doesn't have an accent. i may be wrong in all this, which i hope, because i do cherished that moment. i was so awestruck. found myself a bit speechless. so many things to tell her. so many feelings to express. i couldn't just pour it all out all at once. in fact, lol, she didn't even remember me! how would she? i stood out like coal in a blackout.

i wanted to tell her i missed her. i wanted to tell her how i thought she was so beautiful from the day i met her til now. i wanted to let her know that i'm sorry for not being there all these years. that i am here. hopefully not too little too late. yet all i could do was blabber about our past and tryna rejog her memories. oh how futile that effort was. nevertheless, she was sweet as ever. i am hoping though that an impression was made and maybe next time she won't blocked her number lol

fuckin sap here, checkin in

time to move to China

because it's only in Hong Kong that they have this glorious masterpiece

nba free agent frenzy!!!

with the NBA free agency started 4 daya ago, alot of crazy shit went down. but the most important transactions are for my Chicago Bulls. with that said:

just because i can

Jordan 3 Doernbecher

yep...

it happened again, dammit

i had a dream about her again last night

*sigh*