*sigh*
the brain is an amazing organ, i swear. the dopamine and adrenaline rush that it releases and can create all while you're in a catatonic state is simply mystical. how can i vividly hear her voice in my dreams after not having any contact with her for over a decade? mhm, even the thought of presence was felt in the moment. but lets get this out there before i forget
it was a quick dream but impactful (apparently the red squiggly line under the word is tryna indicate that impactful is not a word. ..screw you, Webster!). i somehow showed up home finding her chit-chatting with my mom and uncle? i think...all i know is she was there. in my house. i believe she was wearing dark blue jeans and gray long sleeve shirt. long straight hair parted at the middle, which is how i remembered her. beautiful smile. so beautiful that that's all i could focused on instead of her purpose of being there. she spoke to me but i couldn't be bother to hear her for the sound of her voice summons my heart to roar like war drums that drowns out her words.
next thing i knew, she leaned in and whispered, "i like you. i really like you." my knees lost it's fight to gravity. i was stammering. i told her i needed to sit down. hearing something you've been wanting to hear or find out is a blissful moment. i haven't felt like that since high school. my heart was heavy. feeling like hey, i just opened my heart to someone and finally, it's being occupy. in my mind, while still IN my mind, i thought, what took you so long? why did you have me suffered through the darkness of not knowing? but that didn't matter. all that i was looking forward to was spending more time with her...
you know how they say, you wake up from your dream if you were about to die because your brain can't process what would happen next? well, i woke up after that. because apparently, my stupid brain can't even fathom the thought of us being together to create false memories for me. instead, it was, "nah fam. you good there. wake your ass up. you ain't getting more euphoria." scumbag brain.
i couldn't sleep after that. had to write it down before i forget. i wanted to reach out to her soooo bad but i told myself i wouldn't. it feels like the scene where a train gets detached and she's on one end that's continuing and i'm standing there on the immobile one reaching out as far as i can to her. useless. i just wish i know. at last, it was only a dream. one day...
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