i'm-mortality

there's definitely something mortal when it comes to feeling unwanted. not necessarily do i feel rejected but boy does it comes close. i've said it before. i'm not afraid of rejection. the honesty is liberating. it comes after the chase, which is exhilarating. the nauseating anticipation. and alas, the final destination. no man's land

i tried to not think about it. hopeless romantic or just plain hopeless at this point. not to be confused with desperation, which there isn't. the thought of putting your frailty out there to be tested and returned in one piece, even more hardened, gives me a sense of accomplishment. overcoming an illusion of hardship and pain. knowing you're still alive. still in one piece. that allows you to pick your sword and shield up and go into battle again for the woman you love. or in this case, desired. infatuated.

i learned a new word today (actually yesterday but was too lazy to post): limerence. It defines as being infatuated, or obsessed, not sure which i am, with someone to have a desire of reciprocated feelings not necessarily sexual. that sorta sums it up. i'm not looking for some quick fun. substance is crucial. personality is equally important as looks. face it, no-one turns head from being a good person. it's the quality after the looks that keeps the other at bay.

regardless, i'm just gonna chill. sweating while getting paid. waitin for my Wonderwall