randomness

i am disappointed of how the recent event turned out. i thought i did everything right. i thought i was over that part of my life, but here i am finding myself back in it. i don't regret anything. only thing i feel is prolly how sorry i am to my friends and family. i am sorry that my dad was emotionally attached just as i was. he was so happy. he made that very clear. i am sorry i let him down. though he'll prolly never look at it that way, i know this isn't where or how he wanted me to end up.

i am sorry to my mom. she too was very attached. she cried when i broke the news. rightfully so. the future is now delayed and i know she is disappointed by that. she, like everyone else, has been very supportive. my uncle, is always steady. he took it with a calmness that is very stoic. i needed that. someone to hold it together while my mom was falling apart. he understands. as a man, you take care of your responsibilities. if things didn't work out, then so be it. you move on.

i am very sorry for my sister. at a very impressionable age, she lost an example. at hindsight i guess that wouldn't be the example i would want her to look up to. i spent so much time trying to form a bond just to have it disintegrated in a flash. i am glad i see alot of myself in her. she is a strong, young woman...not that i am a strong, young woman. i feel that she was like me younger, holding alot of feelings inside. not wanting to talk. i hope my experiences and influence on her will help draw out more sides of her because it will only benefit her in her future. i am very proud of her and hope she is of me.

lastly, i am sorry to all my good, great, close, best friends. they've been with me since before and since then. everyone that matters have open up themselves for me. i am lucky to get this opportunity to know them better, hanging out and having fun. i appreciate them alot, which is ironic because i used to not care about friends. but these are like lifelong brothers...i hope. you build a strong foundation so nothing can unearth your friendships. i am fortunate to call them friends, but more so that they call me a friend.

even though the disappointment will linger, i am not sorry for where i am today. i didn't do anything i regret. i can hold my head up higher than ever. there's nothing that can't be overcome and accomplish. disappointment is fuel for motivation, and i am highly motivated. i shall come out a better, stronger person. i am surrounded by great friends and a loving family. there's nothing i can't do.