let us say that something occurred X years ago. things didn't/couldn't worked out because of the events that were already in placed. so moving, other stuff happened with other people. i mean, you can't just sit around and wait, right? even Jim had to moved because of what's going on with Pam in The Office. so once the other stuff happened or didn't, fortunate set of events brought back coincidences of the past back. but could you look back at those events in the past and use it to justify your feelings in the present? what am i really feeling? nostalgia? something that was there or am i digging into something that's nonexistent? cuz that's what it feels like. they, i, say it's the unknown that scares us. like the dark as a child. waiting to hear back from a job interview or lab results. same goes for not being able to get feedbacks from someone. like, are you interested? if not, then let me know so it can be easier to move on and forget you. no hard feelings. this darkness and mystery that i'm in is unraveling me from the inside. i hate these games.
i believe in making things work. life doesn't fit like a piece of puzzle. especially when i can't stop thinking about her. and yes, this all boils down to her. i wanna make it work. picturing her in my mind integrated in my every day routines and future events. i can hear her voice, laughter, enjoying that smile, all but while never got the chance to see her in person since X years ago. fuckin brain, i swear. creating shit so vividly and desirable. i just wanna know. we're all adults. this feeling however got me feeling like high school again. the anxiety, the eagerness, the fear of (but easily accepted cuz i'm grown) of rejection...all mixed emotions in my head and heart
a friend told me to let her go. but i did, over a decade ago. she came back. but is it for me though?
then again, it'd prolly be just another ghost blog collecting up space in Google's xenobytes servers. is that right? xenobytes? oh well
so new life, new-ish thoughts. same anger, same happy thoughts. a tweaked on certain perspectives of life. because life gave me lemons. i made some damn good ass lemonades. drank it for over a decades and now i got
metaphorically speaking, of course. and of course my views now will be a bit askew. nevertheless, gotta keep on trucking. the Kawasaki Ninja isn't going to buy itself!
